I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
