Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
