well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
