I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
