How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
