her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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