6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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porn star boner night. come get it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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