oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
