Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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