I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
