hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
