Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
