I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
