I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
