So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
