I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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