i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
