I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
