I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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