Just took my morning after pill in the library
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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