There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize