if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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