I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
