Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
