Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
