So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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