the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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