My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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