I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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