Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
