there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
