Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
