my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
