genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
