I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
