note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
