I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
