whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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