Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
