Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
