Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
