Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
