Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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