Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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