chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
