I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
