I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
