Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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