I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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