Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
