Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
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I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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