to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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