Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
