I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
