and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
third nipple confirmed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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