I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
Randomize
