haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
