Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
