I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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