Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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