I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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