She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
