i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
