i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
