You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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