One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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