Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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