i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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