My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
