Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
