aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
