the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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