WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
