If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Found your dick twin last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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